"Do not ever contact me again"

I was so tickled when my daughter invited me to be one of her first friends on Facebook. Initially, I looked at Facebook as a way to know who my children’s friends are, and to understand more what their generation is talking about and experiencing. However, over the last few weeks I have started to “get” Facebook. I am finally beginning to see the potential of this tool to connect people all over the world, and to impact their lives. Facebook is a powerful way of connecting with people all over the world who have been passing acquaintances in your life.

In the past two weeks or so I have embarked on an invitation spree and have quadrupled my number of friends. I have found at least two friends I haven’t seen since high school. I have reconnected with friends who no longer live in Jamaica. I was able to send wishes to another friend when I “discovered” her birthday on her Facebook profile. I have connected two friends, previously unknown to each other, who share a passionate interest in the same cause. I even found a young woman, now married with 2 children, who I last saw as a 5 year old when I was her kindergarten teacher! Best of all, it is a fun activity to do with my children – they are fascinated with my new Facebook-fan status, delighting in introducing me to the features, seeing who my friends are, and groaning at my boring, age-revealing posts! I have surpassed my son with friends, and now have a race with my daughter! Determined to surpass her in number of friends, I have issued the ultimate threat – I will invite all her friends to be my friends! LOL!

Each morning I eagerly open my Inbox to see who has accepted my invitation to be my friend, and who has invited me to be their friend. One particular morning however, I received this response “Do not ever contact me again”. I was shocked, dismayed, devastated even. This one rejection is threatening to outweigh the over 200 acceptances I have received. What had I ever done to this person to elicit such a response? Frankly, I have no clue. What is really bothering me now is why this one response is bothering me so. Why is it, that one week later, it is still on my mind? How I have been pondering this!

All of us want to be accepted socially. Humans are social animals who need the company of each other. This has been so from campfire days, and is so now that we gather at the Internet campfires. No matter how hard we try, we need people. There seems to be an innate desire to be accepted, and when this doesn’t happen we feel it very deeply. Being accepted by others is a way to validate ourselves.

If we think about it though, why do we need validation by others? For surely, it is enough to know ourselves – if we truly know ourselves. And that is the real problem. We don’t know ourselves. We are still struggling to find our true essence. Until that happens, then we need others to validate us and tell us that we are OK. Of course, this makes very little sense. For just as we are seeking to find ourselves, others are seeking to find themselves. They are in no better position than we are to validate us – for they can’t even validate themselves! Following this logic, being accepted by others really says very little about our worth. All that being accepted by others means is that they see something in us that resonates with whatever self they are currently experiencing – which may or may not be their true self.

The best thing for us is to accept and value ourselves just as we are. Then, we can come to relationships, even ones as simple as on Facebook, from a place of our own worth. We will truly be extending the hand of friendship – with no attachments, requests, holding on or needing.

In this spirit, I have now come to terms with the “rejection” message. It is a great learning experience for me. I continue to be a raving fan of Facebook. Indeed, this experience has made me bolder in inviting friends, as I have released attachment to the outcome. For I know that whether someone accepts me or not as their friend really has very little to do with me – it’s all about them! See you on Facebook!