7 steps to finding the positive value in negative emotions
November 17, 2009 by Marguerite Orane
Filed under Accept, Featured Posts
There is nothing wrong with negative emotions. Our emotions, be they negative or positive, simply exist. When we learn to accept our negative emotions i.e. the emotions that do not serve our good, that feed on our fears (the ultimate negative emotion), then we can learn what this emotion is telling us about ourselves. Negative emotions serve a prupose. They illuminate the deeply hidden parts of our consciousness, the things that we do not wish to face. Every emotion has within it a message. But to hear the message, we must first accept the emotion as is.
This brings about a sense of detachment. Once we detatch from something we lessen its hold and power and we can now let it go. We now that the power to allow a positive emotion to replace it.
Take envy. For many years I envied people who drove a nice new Mercedes Benz or BMW. As they whooshed past me in their new-car glory, I would have all sorts of negative thoughts and feelings – they don’t deserve it, why them and not me, and so on. It wasn’t until I actually drove a BMW that I understood that my envy was really rooted in my desire to own and drive such a vehicle! I had never admitted it before as the noise of my father admonishing us not to covet fancy new cars, and saying with great self-righteousness “I don’t need to drive a Benz” had for decades drowned my deep desire for the Ultimate Driving Machine. I absorbed my father’s mantra. The envy I felt was simply telling me that while my father may not have wanted a fancy car, I would love one! Once I acknowledged this, I was able to change. Now, whenever I see someone in a car that I like, I say “Yes! Good for you! And if you have one, then I can have one too”! Funnily enough, detaching from envy, and moving to this celebratory mode has made me less anxious and attached to owning the BMW!
Today, start looking for the messages in your negative emotions. Here are a few steps that will help you:
- Select a negative emotion that keeps coming up in your experience. How do you know if an emotion is negative? Simple – if you don’t feel good
- Note the particular circumstances that give rise to this emotion. Is there a pattern? These are the “trigger events”. Make careful note of them. “Whenever I feel (emotion) it is because (event)” OR “Whenever (event) happens, I feel (emotion)”
- Think back to the root of the emotion. When did it first surface in your life? What experience first gave rise to it?
- Now consider what this emotion is telling you – is there a deepseated longing for something? Is there an experience that was hurtful at the time? What is the hurt telling you about what you would have preferred, what you really wanted?
- Thank the emotion for the wonderful lesson “Thank you envy for showing me that I would LOVE to have a BMW”
- Now choose how you would prefer to feel whenever the particular trigger event occurs again – which it will. In my case, I have chosen to feel joy
- Write a short, easily memorized affirmation to repeat throughout your day and whenever you notice the emotion
Accept that the emotion will probably recur over and over. That’s OK. You now know what to do when it does surface (repeat your affirmation). Over time you will find fewer and fewer instances of the negative and more of the positive. You are on the path to living a joyous, free and laughing life!
Marguerite,
It’s an interesting synchronicity coming across your blog post now…
About 17+ years ago I facilitated emotional release workshops in Jamaica just to afford participants the opportunity to release and welcome in the very special insights ‘negative’ emotions always offer.
Guidance has been nudging me incessantly to re-start these and just yesterday I made a commitment to do so in the New Year. Wonderful post and Thank You for another nudge! 😉
Thank you, Thank you, Thank you…this is very good. It is so hard to shake negative emotions and to even see the positive value from these emotions. With your explanation and steps I now know what to do. Thank you Marguerite for making me lighter and free.
How do you know all this stuff?! You’re awesome.
I love this post. I love all your posts!
I hope you got (or get) your BMW. They ARE nice to drive… .
Marguerite, I really appreciate this. In the past, it was such a struggle to overcome negative emotions. The harder I tried, the more and bigger the negative emotions became. What a vicious cycle that was! Now, I know what to do, especially since I started a new habit this past Friday – daily positive affirmations. I feel so empowered and happy now. Thanks for sharing. One love!
Thanks for this post! I found it really useful!
Wonderful reminder. I really needed this today, especially the insight about fear being the ultimate negative emotion.
So happy that this came at the moment you needed it. But then, isn’t that the lovely thing about life – we are always provided with what we need whenever we need it!
Oh this is wonderful – so happy that this post is helping so many people!
Thanks Diana – BMW soon come! And in the meantime, I am celebrating the good fortune of those who have one!
Angela – this is wonderful news that you have committed to offering the emotional release workshops in the new year! There is such a need. You will help so many people, and in the process help to heal Jamaica and the world. Noble work! Keep me posted on your workshops
Marguerite,
Thank you… thank you… thank you!!! It’s funny that this is the last thing I’m reading before heading to bed. I had a similar conversation with an employee at work today about thoughts and emotions, and how they become physical manifestations. I’ll be sharing this with her.
I really enjoyed this post. To be honest, I was feeling down and a little sorry for myself. This gave me some solid steps to use to get back up again. Thnks.
You are most welcome Chris. You are training for the Reggae Marathon – this is an experience that can bring up lots of very intense emotions. Your long runs can be a wonderful time to practice finding the postive value of negative emotions! Each step is a meditation on the magnificent you! You have stepped out of your comfort zone BIG TIME! Congrats and celebrations to you on this!
David – happy this resonates with you. Hope it helps your employee. Physical manifestations of emotions – we could write books on that one. I am always fascinated by the effect of our emotions on our bodies in terms of health. Most of us just don’t get that our physical state is highly (totally?) dependent on our mental state. The MINUTE I or my children feel sick, I consult Louise Hay’s book “Head your body”, as it clearly expresses the underlying thought of each physical dis-ease. I recommend that book so highly to everyone as a reference manual!
Will keep you posted, Marguerite and you’re right.. emotional healing release is powerful healing work, individually and collectively.
Just in case you don’t know, I also offer a one-hour Guided Healing Meditation over the telephone every 2nd Sunday. You can find out more here:
http://www.AngelSoulTalk.com
Thanks for letting me know about the Guided Healing Meditation. Free and Laughing Fans – take note, and check out Angela’s AngelSoulTalk!