Trust in Action

This is an IM (instant messenger) conversation I had with my son, Shane, yesterday. Shane was at home with his friend Luca. I was at my office.

Shane: Mummy, I do not want to go to swimming today
Mummy: You have to go. You made the commitment and you must stick to your commitments

After about 5 minutes:
Shane: Mummy, my tummy is hurting me really bad
Mummy: Well then, Luca will have to go home. I will send the driver for him now. Plus you won’t be able to go to camp on Saturday
Shane: But Mummy my tummy is really, really hurting me
Mummy: Yes Shane. That is why Luca has to go home now
Shane: I am not lying Mummy. My tummy is really aching me

After a 30-second breath on my part:
Mummy: Shane, I trust you. I know that your tummy is hurting and I want to help you get it better. You need to rest and that is why I said that Luca has to go home now

After about 3 minutes:
Shane: Mummy, my tummy has started to feel a little better. I think I will be able to go to swimming
Mummy: OK

Shane happily went to swimming. I happily continued my work.

I have been reflecting on this conversation. I noted that it was progressing in an adversarial, tension-filled manner and yet it ended up positively for both Shane and me. What happened? Where did the switch take place?

The switch took place at the point at which I said “I trust you”. In that moment, I let go of trying to manipulate Shane, and simply accepted what he was telling me. At first I thought how “coincidental” it was that Shane’s tummy ache coincided so perfectly with his not wanting to go to swimming! I had a choice – I could believe him, or I could not believe him. Since I am not Shane, and I am not his body, I had no idea what Shane was feeling. I realised that the only option open to me was to believe him: to trust that he was telling me the truth. In so doing, I began to relate to him from a different place. And Shane began to respond to me from a different place.

Did this conversation look like manipulation? Well, perhaps. For my objective was achieved – Shane went to swimming. However, at the point at which I said “I trust you” I had let go of my attachment to his going to swimming. I had accepted that he had a tummy ache, and that it was alright for him not to go to swimming. I was not attached to the outcome. I was being and acting in the moment. In fact, when Shane said he was going to swimming, I was actually quite surprised!

This little conversation demonstrates for me the power of trust. It demonstrates that when we want to build a trusting relationship, the first step to take is to for ME to say “I trust you”. To say out loud “I trust you” to someone really says that I am coming from my higher self, and am speaking to your higher self. When I say “I trust you” it is a very present moment statement, for at that point I am not concerned with all the things you have said or done in the past, and how I have interpreted them; I am not concerned with what I think you will do or say in the future based upon what I have seen you do or say in the past; I am simply accepting of who you are at that moment and that the only option open to me is to say and know that “I trust you”.