Panic …. then peace

I awoke yesterday morning at 4.45 a.m. in a panic. The day before I had moved my furniture and released my dogs, Daisy and Mufasa, to their new owner. Now, I realized, I was really moving to Canada. A rush of seemingly limitless “things to do before I leave” flooded my brain, juxtaposed with the very tight timeframe of less than 10 days to departure day. I tossed and turned, fear, worry and panic taking over my mind and body. I could feel the tension in my shoulders and neck immediately. I realized the futility of continuing to lie in bed, as precious sleep would not return. And so I arose, and in the emerging light of the morning, I became present.

Sitting still, I took a deep inhalation and then an exhalation, repeating this cycle until my breathing slowed and the tension melted away. I became present to the chirping of the birds, the sound of the water fountain, the occasional car driving past, and the wind in the trees gently puffing at the wind chimes. In my moment of presence, I recognized that everything was fine, all was well. And it came to me that making my preparations for “d-day” would be fine. Everything that needed to be done would be done. Everything would fall into place perfectly. With this clarity I arose and made my list of things to do that day, a smile on my face. And that’s how I got through the day – one moment at a time!

My lesson from this is how powerful our bodies are at signaling our emotional state. The restless sleeplessness and the stiff shoulders and neck were talking to me loud and clear. When these symptoms occur, our conditioned response is to seek reprieve from some external source – a painkiller, a drink, a smoke, a massage. These are palliative and temporary, for they do not get to the root of the problem – the state of our thoughts. That work has to be done from the inside, which is why returning to the breath is so powerful. Conscious breathing brings us to the present, which is where all problems are truly resolved – indeed it is where all problems are dissolved – back to the ether from which they came. For our problems are just illusions created when we live in the past or future. In the present, there are no problems. And therefore no panic.