I love you

One morning last week before going to work, I e-mailed four of my dearest friends. I told them how much they mean to me and ended with “I love you”. I also called my children (I was overseas away from home) to say “I love you”. My day went uphill from there on. For by saying those simple words, I felt my heart brimming with love, not just for my friends, but for all the blessings in my life. Gratitude came up as a big emotion for me.

“I love you” are words that are often said. However, how often do we say those three words simply to say them rather than to get something from saying them? When we feel we have fallen in love there is this toss-up of who will say “I love you” first. It is quite a big thing, with much agonising, certainly on the part of women, about should I wait, or should I say it first. Lovers say these words in the throes of intimacy. Then, “I love you” becomes a tool of control and manipulation. It becomes a tool to hold the lover to us. God forbid that when we say “I love you” in such moments, our lover does not say them back! Then, we feel ourselves tumbling down into an emotional low. For “I love you” was said with the expectation that the lover loves us back. We put conditions on “love”. Therefore it is not love. “I love you” has very little to do with love in such circumstances. We may as well just be truthful and say “I want something from you in exchange for what I am giving you. And if I don’t get it then I will withdraw what I am giving”.

How did three such beautiful, simple words get to mean so much (or little)? So corrupted has become the meaning of these words that we have become afraid to say them. They have become so loaded with meanings of control, manipulation, lust and intimacy, that we are literally petrified to say them lest we be misunderstood.

Many people have never said those words to anyone other than their lovers. They have never said them to their children, parents or siblings. Many men have never said “I love you” to their father, son or brother, much less to their male best friends and their platonic girlfriends. Many women have never said them to their girlfriends – let alone platonic male friends.

What does “I love you” mean? To me it means that I give you my love unconditionally with no limits; that I desire for you all the good of the Universe; that I expect nothing in return; that I am happy and grateful you are in my life and experience. To me it is like saying “Namaste” – which means “the Divine in me honours the Divine in you”.

How do we move from “I love you” loaded with manipulation and control to “I love you” as an expression of love? By simply having the courage to say it to people who mean a lot to us – and not worrying about how they interpret it. They may just take it exactly as we have said it – unconditionally and with gratitude.

I love you.