"Fruit don’t fall far from tree"

“Fruit don’t fall far from tree”. This is a saying that I first heard many years ago, and of which I was reminded yesterday in Trinidad.

My team at work includes a most delightful, powerful Trinidadian woman, Sharon, who has lived in Jamaica for over 15 years. Sharon is the calming influence in our office. She is the voice of quiet action, the one to get moving when the rest of us are wondering what to do. She is a hub of order, balancing her many roles as mother, wife, chauffeur, facilitator, client manager. She does all of this with the most pleasant disposition, rarely complaining, always smiling. It is rare that Sharon is down. On the few occasions that she is, we all feel honoured to support her – for it is our way of giving back to her a little of what she gives us.

Yesterday I had the most delightful experience of meeting Sharon’s parents. We had planned this from weeks before. My stated objective was to taste, nay indulge in, her mother’s cooking which is legendary! My other objective was to know from whence this amazing person came! What are her roots? I strongly suspected that this fruit, Sharon, is from the tree of the very same nature.

I was not wrong. Her mother’s cooking indeed lives up to its reputation. More than that though is how Sharon lives up to the principles and practices ingrained by her parents.

Mr. and Mrs. Bon are aptly named – “bon” meaning “good” in French. They are simply good people. Her father greeted me with a huge, welcoming smile – just like Sharon. And her mom opened her arms and heart and enveloped me in a huge, loving embrace. I hugged her like I hug my own mother and children. I felt so at home in their home. They did not need to offer me a seat – I sat; they did not need to encourage me to eat second and third helpings – I just helped myself. Conversation flowed easily – I learned about hunting wild meat from her father and about gardening and making curry mango from her mother. We settled into an easy repartee on many things – Jamaica, Trinidad, television, sex (now you KNOW you are comfortable in someone’s home when the talk turns to sex!). I recognised Sharon’s nature in them. “Fruit don’t fall far from tree”.

And it occurred to me that our parents are the major force in our lives in terms of determining who we are. They inculcate and program into us many things. As we journey through our own lives and reflect on this inculcation, we tend to focus on the negatives, the things that no longer serve us. This is why many people are angry at and unforgiving of their parents. They blame their parents for the sorry state of their lives; they repeat the same mistakes their parents did; they live their lives exactly the way their parents did. They go through their lives on autopilot – simply being mutations of their parents in an unquestioning, unconscious way.

But our parents also inculcate some good and useful things, which we tend not to focus on, or at best, recognise occasionally and fleetingly. By focusing on the negatives, we disempower the positives, and end up living our lives as rotten fruit. Our lives are full of worms, blight, rot. We wonder why. It is because we have forgotten the magnificence of the tree from which we came, and that what makes up that tree makes us up. In the very seed of our fruit, is the tree – the same tree. We have a choice as to whether we focus on the majesty or the rot, worms and pests. For rot, worms and pests there are. Our parents too had the positive and negative inculcation from the trees that were their parents. These were multiplied and passed on to us. We have a choice as to what we will accept, focus and build on. We do not have to accept anything that does not serve us. What we accept is what will multiply in our lives – if we choose the positive inculcation, that is what we shall be and get more of; if we choose the negative, that is what we shall be and get more of.

The key is to become aware of our inculcation – positive and negative. We must also choose who and what we intend for our lives. Then, we will be divinely guided to choose what serves us and what doesn’t.

I saw yesterday that Sharon has chosen to focus on the good – literally, the “bon”. Are there negatives that she could have chosen? I am sure. But these are vastly outweighed by the positives. “Fruit don’t fall far from tree”. We are the same stuff. We have a choice as to whether we choose to be a lovely, ripe, succulent mango – or a rotten one! Today, I choose to be the succulent mango – reflecting the magnificence and manifesting the full potential of the tree. C’est Bon!