Letting go does not mean giving up

Perennially last minute, I rushed around that afternoon two months ago deciding on the menu, cleaning the house, shopping for groceries and wine and preparing the meal. With not much time before my dinner guest arrived, I bounded upstairs to get dressed. As I dragged the sweater over my head, I felt the absence of my diamond earring in my left ear.

This is no ordinary diamond earring. My mother, a few days before she died, had given me her double-diamond ring. This had been given to her decades before by her mother-in-law, my grandmother, in gratitude for her love and caring. Since Mummy’s passing I had not been wearing the ring so last year I had my jeweler create a pair of earrings. I wore them constantly as they were so precious in the invaluable currency of a family history of love.

Thoughts of the shower abandoned, I dropped to the floor, squinting for what I hoped would be the glitter of the lost diamond. I retraced my steps, eyes peeled to no avail. The arrival of my guest imminent, I did what we always do in my family whenever anything is lost: I affirmed, “Nothing is ever lost” (check my blog post ‘Nothing is ever lost’ and you will understand). Then, the second thing we do – I e-mailed my sister, Rev. John and Carol, the jeweler, asking them to pray for appearance of the earring. They all joined me in the affirmation. Carol added a tad of humour “Daisy (my mom) must have borrowed it for some hot date up in heaven. She’ll soon return it”. I managed a smile.

Over the next few days I traversed my home with my head down, eyes scanning every nook and cranny. I asked the doggies if they had seen the earring: “No. But don’t worry” their wagging tails seemed to say. And so I let it go. I just kept affirming, “Nothing is ever lost”. But I had a problem – what would my “go to” daily wear earrings now be? I felt lost without them. I was even about to replace them when I was at the airport in Antigua. For some reason I didn’t.

Three weeks ago I was at the checkout at Loblaw’s supermarket. I opened my reusable bag to pack the groceries, and there was the earring! Oh happiness! Oh joy! Prayers of gratitude, e-mails to sister, Rev. John and Carol and a lesson learned:
Letting go does not mean giving up. I had let go of the earring, but I never gave up that it would reappear. By letting go I mean that I released attachment to it. I was not upset that I had misplaced it. I understood that whilst it was of sentimental value, it was a thing. The real value was in the memories of my relationship with my mummy and my grandma. And those memories were in no way diminished by the loss of the earring. Yet I never gave up. I KNEW that the earring would reappear in its own time. Indeed, I blithely said to myself that it I would probably find it when I was moving from this house.

I apply this principle to other areas of my life – letting go of people for example. Letting go of someone who might be challenging to us does not mean giving up on him or her. Often we hold on to people because we view letting go as abandoning them. No it is not. It just means releasing emotional attachment and expectation. It means accepting them as they are, as I accepted the fact that that earring was misplaced. It does not mean giving up on the idea that they will some day change for the better. We don’t know when, we just hold them in the knowledge of the truth of who they are. And then we go about our business, as I did until one day “magic” happens and the thing or person that you thought was lost, is found. Let go but don’t give up. Nothing is ever lost.