What you say about others reveals more about you than them
April 3, 2014 by Marguerite Orane
Filed under Featured Posts, Free and Laughing, Practice
Recently, someone said something to me that I found inexplicable and hurtful. The person accused me of being arrogant and causing offense. Now that is not my intention at all of how I want to live my life. Nor has anyone accused me of that (at least not recently). I was really perplexed and I wanted to know what this was all about. Was her statement really true? What was it that had caused her to come to this conclusion about me? What had I said or done? Was I to blame? Was I wrong? Was she right?
Immediately upon completion of our phone call, I got up from my desk and sat in meditation and prayer. I was so hurt, I was shaking. I had to calm myself before being able to reflect. “Be still and know”. So I sat. This came to me:
“What someone says about you reveals more about them than about you”. From this place, I viewed her statement as dispassionately as I could and realized that what she said was not about me – it was about her. In our conversation, she had revealed that she had an issue with something in which I had not been involved, but was now being invited to play a part. It seemed she was reacting not to me, but to her situation. I relaxed, stress level subsiding. Coming from this realization, I was able to let go of the person and what she said, knowing that it was never about me.
And then the converse revealed itself:
“What I say about someone reveals more about me than about them”
What I say about someone is my perception, observation or judgement. It is I who am seeing, interpreting and expressing. I am projecting myself outward to the world for all to see who I am being.
I now feel compassion for this person. I am very, very grateful for the lesson she taught me on that day. With this insight, I do not need to feel hurt when someone says something about me. It is not about me. And more importantly, I need to remember that I reveal much of myself in what I say about others.
From this very centred place, I am also able to look at what the person said without emotion or rancour, see where I may have been arrogant and caused offence and be more aware of my actions in the future.
Nothing comes to us by chance. I needed this right NOW.
Thank you!
So happy this helped you Diane. You are right – nothing comes by chance. Everything comes to you as you need, when you need.
Much love and blessings
Marguerite
I have learned that in my readings. I have embraced Don Miguel Ruiz’s code for life – The Five Agreements. This is more or less the same. Thanks for sharing your story.
Thanks Eve. The truths of life are simple and few. They are hidden in plain sight, revealed when we become present to our experiences.
Much love and blessings
Marguerite
You are half absolutely right and half dead wrong. We cannot see but through our current set of lenses. This is true and what we says does reveal a trace of ourselves, but that doesn’t mean you were not what that person said.
Let me be clear. I’m not against you, and I am on your side (because I’m on everyone’s side). You are facing a stack of experiences that this person has gone through in their life. You are different yes? That does not mean that you do not possess certain actions common with what those other people had. In this frame, we are focusing on being arrogant.
You got upset because you have a weak boundary in that area. You felt your value fall and were hurt by it. This is an opportunity which you so cleverly figured out. You found gold! Good job!!
You became aware of a little more, but you have to remember that we are in an awareness game. Things aren’t easily noticeable. We ignore many beliefs and values that contradict with other beliefs and values. I like to believe there is some truth what everyone tells me. Rather than getting upset (wounded), I find gold. I increase my self worth.
I write this message to you in attempts to broaden your awareness and to find value in the message this person was trying to communicate to you. Critical think and self analysis is negative in type BUT is easily converted to positivity. We are not perfect, and we all hurt people (intentionally or unintentionally). Some of it we can help, and some of it we cannot help.
This message also says something about me. It tells you that people being positive sometimes hurts people like me. Sometimes people just look at the result and not what it took to get there. If it works why question it? That is until they are ejected from their power base or the base breaks down all together.
Right now, I feel compassion for you. We need to learn to take the bad with the good. Rejected the bad is rejecting learning, and the truth. But then again, is truth even worth anything?