“What would Margie do”? Choosing to be happy in the face of fear
March 28, 2011 by Marguerite Orane
Filed under Featured Posts, Love
My brother’s executive assistant of nearly 30 years was murdered last Friday, my birthday. Arlene was my brother’s right hand, the very essence of quiet steadfastness and grace. The success he has had in business and public life is in no small part due to Arlene’s competence, loyalty and love. My family has always been exceedingly appreciative of Arlene for her support. She was the link between my brother the busy executive, and my brother, the beloved sibling. My mother always remembered Arlene at Christmas, her birthday and significant milestones such as the birth of her daughter, Kelly. Mummy would say, “She takes care of Doug and I am so grateful”.
When I got the call from my sister early that morning, there descended upon my celebratory countenance an avalanche of emotions – disbelief, denial, anger, sadness, sorrow, pity, fear. In less than a heartbeat, the anticipatory happiness of my birthday was drowning in grief. Here I was, accepting happy birthday greetings through my tears.
Yet in that moment it came to me that I had a choice – I could choose to be happy; I could choose to experience the joy of my birthday even as I mourned Arlene’s death. In between the tears, I give thanks for Arlene, her life and for her having been a part of mine. It came so clearly to me what “being in the present moment” is all about. It is accepting whatever is happening now. This is where my power to choose how I felt lay – in the present. It did not lay in the past, which brought up emotions of sadness, denial, grief and anger and unanswerable questions such as “Why”. It did not lay in the future which brought up worry and concern for Arlene’s daughter and for Doug and unanswerable questions such as “What will happen”. The power lay in the moment and my ability to choose which way I wanted to go – down the sad road or the happy road. I chose the happy road.
By making my choice to be happy, was I dishonouring Arlene? Absolutely not! I believe that I sent the power of love to all affected, and in love, there can be no dishonour. I do no service to Arlene, Kelly, Arlene’s family, Doug, her co-workers or anyone else by being sad. I honoured Arlene no less by being happy. Indeed, by choosing love rather than fear, I believe that I contribute to the healing rather than the hurting.
I smiled last night when my cousin Andrea e-mailed me, trying to come to terms with Arlene’s passing.
Hi Margie
Had a very good chat with Doug today. This whole thing has resonated within me deeply though I was in no way close to Arlene as you all are. In any case, I have a few questions sort of “what would Margie do” types.
I’ll call you soon
Andrea
“What would Margie do”? What DID Margie do? Margie chose to have a happy birthday. And in doing so, I was able to accept Arlene’s gift to me that day – the gift of remembering how fleeting life is, the gift of her example of living your life doing and giving of your best, the gift of knowing the power of the moment. Thanks Arlene!
Hi Marge:
Arlene was not a close friend of mine but our attendance overlapped at Alpha (she being three years behind us).
What made her memorable was her outstanding quietness and even from afar, her gentle demeanour. Everyone remembers her for this and also her sweetness. She was one of those kids you couldn’t help but like or even want to protect. Except she needed no protection as there was also a quiet strength about her.
We, the Alpha Community, are mourning. I can imagine how Mr. Orane feels at this moment. BUT, let’s drawn upon that “quiet strenght” she exuded and it will be easy for all to deal with this senseless snuffing out of a productive life.
Thanks for the article. Thought I had to respond
What a beautiful show of love in the midst of despair and fear = thanks for setting a fine example for the rest of us as we try to cope with these frequent tragedies…….love and blessings
Dear Fran
Thanks so much for responding. Yes, we all feel it. But what keeps coming to me is that Arlene was, pun intended, the essence of grace. She really was. Luckily, we all sang her praises before she left us, especially my mom, who was the choirmistress! I hope Alpha does something in her honour.
Blessings
Marguerite
Thanks Michelle. An unseen voice inspired this blog – wonder who?
Wow…Marguerite you continue to inspire me. Love you!
Belated Happy Birthday
Melody
Oh Marguerite…
It is hard for me to imagine the turbulence of feelings you must have felt last Friday. It truly is extraordinary how, like the phoenix, you were able to rise out of the ashes of sadness and grief to that place of love and appreciation for a life well lived, and to choose the empowering state of being present – present to the pain, and at the same time to the healing presence of love. I can imagine our beautiful Daisy embracing her with open arms and that makes me smile….
This blog has to be your best ever. It is absolutely wonderful and just what so many people need at times like this…to see a different perspective. There are many of us that see ‘death’ very differently, you have expressed it very well – thank you.
My love and blessings were sent to all on Friday after I heard the news. I chose not to call as there was nothing to say.
Continue to do what you do…shine your light and spread your love
Sandra – yes, Carole and I were just talking about Daisy greeting Arlene: “Wait. Arlene. What you doing here so soon? And you brought your mom too”. Smiles and laughter all around.
thanks Melody! This blog came from deep within ….
Thanks Michelle. This is what life is about – helping each other get through the valleys!
I worked at Grace Kennedy some years ago before migrating to the US. I was shocked to read about the murders of Arlene and her mother. I worked at Caribbean Greetings in Newport West, and to get to work I had to ride the bus. Every morning I stood at the bus stop among crowds of people waiting on the 91 bus. Shortly after I started working at Grace, one morning a car stopped and someone wearing a Grace uniform and a big smile would give a hand signal for me to come. That wave and smile was worn by Arlene, and she continued to give me rides to work for 3 years plus. No matter what, she would stop and give me a ride to Newport West, she barely new me.
What an Angel? I feel privilidged to have known Arlene, and I know she is in a better place today. Our paths will cross again someday and she will be fully adorned with wings then. Everything in life has a reason and and a season.
Thanks for this memory Sandy. So many people are noting how Arlene quietly impacted their lives in a BIG way! Hers was a life well-lived. Many lessons from her. Bless her. And bless you
Marguerite
I too did a “WWMD?” – as I often do! Thank you for posting the above. Your words as always are clarifying, soothing as well as uplifting. The last time I saw Arlene was at the celebration of your Mom’s life. I shared a meal with Arlene & Kelly and will always remember her sweetness and gentleness. I smile in knowing that she is with Aunt Daisy. Love you Cuz
Thanks Cantu – what more can we ask in this life, that when we leave it, people remember us so graciously?
Marguerite thsnk you for providing this outlet. I never had the pleasure of meeting you, but I feel like I do having worked with Mr. Orane for some time. If at all possible, would love this to be seen by Mr. Orane as well. I tried finding the GK bereavement site but wasn’t able to find any.
Simply devastating news that sends ripples around the world to all who knew and loved Arlene and by extension her mom. As in life, she continues to be this quiet storm. Those of us miles away are equally paralyzed with shock at this senseless and untimely loss of two beautiful spirits. I learnt of “our” loss by accident while talking on the phone to a friend in Jamaica on March 30th in an unrelated conversation. The topic of crime came up and led me to hell’s doorway.
As the former PR Officer of the Grace, Kennedy Group of companies, I worked intimately with Arlene for the nine years I spent there. The epitome of “little but tallawah”. Not one to rock the boat, but one to warn you of a hole in the boat. As the keeper of the gate, she never gate-kept, but “shepherd the sheep”. She opted to point you in the right direction versus allowing you to fall on your sword, and always found a way to nurture you towards addressing a subject with Mr. Orane.
When she smiled her face glowed and you couldn’t help but feel her joy. Her unique chuckle is unmistakably her and must have been the loudest thing about her. Gentle, but assertive. Great yet humble. Fun-loving, but deeply grounded. And, yes, human like us all. I was privileged to have known her and am a better person for it.
To know Arlene once is to know her forever. She’s just someone you never forget irrespective of time or distance. I never knew her mom, but you could tell how close they were just by her lovable conversation throughout the years.
It’s been 10yrs since I’ve even spoken to Arlene no thanks to off shore living. Yet, strangely she entered my thoughts the very week of her death (last week). Like the unseen wind that sneaks upon you, her face flashed in my subconscious with her typical sunny glowing smile. She was dressed in a white blouse adorned with her former red Grace, Kennedy suit. Hair exactly as shown in her passport. The thoughts were pleasant and I felt a gentle urge to touch bases with her on facebook. Got busy and figured ah I’ll be sure to do that next week. Well gosh darn…
My deepest deepest sympathies go out to her immediate family & friends and equally to her Grace, Kennedy family. A very special prayer for her little girl through whom Arlene and her grandmother’s spirit will live on. To Mr. Orane who is a beacon of strength for us all. My prayers for continued strength to you Mr. Orane during this time of deep sorrow. If it helps any, take heart that out of sad endings will come new beginnings. It’s just yet to be known. Arlene continues to be a uniting force as she’s worked her charm one last time by shepherding all the lost sheep back home – those in jamaica as well as those of us dispersed globally. Rest in peace dear Arlene. Take care of mom as usual. You are sorely missed.
Deepest love…
Marlene Cobourne
Atlanta, GA
Marlene,
Thank you for this lovely tribute. When I hear/read all the glowing sentiments about Arlene, my thought is simply this: how many of us live our lives in such a way that people GENUINELY speak well of us when we are gone? What an example she has set.
I will share your post with Mr. Orane. I chuckle, for what I would normally do is this – send an e-mail to Arlene saying “Arlene, could you please make sure that Mr. Orane sees this?” And of course, he would
All love and blessings to you
Marguerite
Marguerite. well said. LOL and a chuckle to that first instinct. You couldn’t have expressed it better and thanks so much for passing it on.
Lots of love to you as well during this time.
Marlene