“Happy Father’s Day Mom”

I have become used to hearing these words every Father’s Day for the past 11 years, ever since my children’s father and I separated and he returned to his native country.

In the first few years of becoming a single mom,  I really tried hard to be both mom and dad to my children.  Then one day, I realized that was not working.  I could NEVER be my children’s father.  That role is a very special one that belongs to someone else.  What I could be is a good mother. And so I decided to focus on being the best mother I could possibly be.  In this quest, I have been blessed to attract a huge and ever-expanding village:

• My mother was a tower of strength and support, helping me with good advice, practical babysitting when I had to travel on business (and even pleasure) and the love and tenderness that only grandma could give when mommy’s love was just not enough.  I still hear her voice and feel her presence, guiding me on this sacred path
• Then there is my sister – words fail me here, for there are none to describe her love and support – unconditional, ever present and bounteous in its wisdom.
• And my brother – a rock of an uncle – approaching his task with quiet strength, no judgement and never wavering support.

My village extends to:

• Mothers of my children’s friends who have become some of my dearest friends  – Gennie, Darlene, Alex, Paula – never more than a phone call away to help out with dropping off and picking up, organizing sleepovers and get-togethers – women who without hesitation, I trust with my children
• Fathers of my children’s friends who have taken them on all sorts of joyrides and fun stuff, whilst demonstrating strength and gentle masculinity
• Other dear friends who I have gathered throughout the years and are always there with a listening ear, tidbits of advice and a steady shoulder for my tears
• People like Mr. Smith, who for many years transported my children and their friends to and from school and activities, but was more than a driver – always ready to lend a fatherly ear and word of loving guidance when necessary.
• Teachers, counselors, coaches have come in and out of my village just when I and my children needed them

I am a “single mom”.  I do not take easily to that title, as I know that I am not raising my children alone.  Today I say a super special word of love and gratitude for all the people who have helped me parent my children, including and especially, their father.