Wherever you go, good manners will keep you free and laughing!
November 19, 2009 by Marguerite Orane
Filed under Featured Posts, Practice
“You frightened me” squealed the lady early Saturday morning. I was on my way to class and was walking out of my complex. She was ahead of me, but I was a tad late so I was walking faster. As I overtook her, I singsonged “Goodd morrningggg”. She jumped – frightened that a stranger would actually give the gift of a wish of a good morning!
I love greeting strangers! I like to see the change in their countenance – the frowns turning to smiles; the preoccupation with something else lightening for a moment; withdrawal into self becoming openness; sullenness to delight. There are as many reactions as there are strangers! Some don’t acknowledge my greeting – then I just laugh silently and go about my business of saying “good morning” to the next stranger.
What is it in our society that makes us so disconnected from each other? We have been taught to mistrust people we don’t know; we have been taught to prejudge people based on race, class, nationality, gender, sexual orientation, age and so on. We have been taught that we are different and separated from each other. We have been taught to “stick to our own kind”. How sad – do we not know that “our own kind” is anything and everything in this universe that lives and moves? We are all energy, all stuff – all one. Saying “good morning” to a stranger is just wishing a good morning to yourself!
I watch the faces on the subway in Toronto – closed, morose, sad, for although we are standing intimately close to each other, we are disconnected. I sometimes just want to get up the nerve to sing “Good morning everyone” at the top of my voice when I enter the train just to see what happens! I think I WILL do it one day – just for fun and the joy of doing it! And if I make just one person feel better, then it will be just great!
It is so simple to make someone’s day – just practice the good manners you were taught at home. “Good morning”, “Thank you so much”, “I really appreciate what you are doing”, “Good evening”, “Have a great day” and so on. The next stranger you meet, say “Good morning/afternoon/evening” with a genuine smile and love in your heart! It will make their day free and laughing– and yours too!!!!!
Hi, my darling:
Thanks for brightening my day, however, I would strongly suggest that you reconsider the idea of shouting out ‘Good morning’ in the train…for obvious reasons. We’re not ready for it yet…you just might find yourself ending up in a Mental Institution…and that we can do without.
Love you, as always and continue to be ‘Free and Laughing’. You make me laugh, too.
Pauline
Marguerite, you touched on an issue that I frequently contemplate. I have developed a theory of ‘urban atomization’ to try and explain the disconnectedness of which you speak. Over the past 50 years, the world has become increasingly more urban. In small, rural communities, people tend to be more visible to each other, there is more a sense of shared community. This is not the case in cities, where people operate far more at an individual level, with little sense of belonging to a greater whole (community). For cities like Washington, DC, it’s compounded by a number of factors. One factor is that folks in DC are often from somewhere else (another country, another part of the US, etc), or are in DC on a transient basis. The inflow of immigrant populations also contributes to the ‘disconnectedness’, as those populations often self-segregate. I’ve found that the further I move away from DC, the more people seem to be more connected, i.e. in more rural or non-metropolitan areas. I certainly have found that to be the case further south, in places like North Carolina, even in cities like Charlotte.
Just my two cents!
Hilaire
Pauline – I hear you! I guess that’s my hesitation in doing it! How sad though that something is lovely as greeting people “Good morning” would be received in fright and fear!!!! Maybe I will do it anyway … and you can come bail me out!
Hi Hilaire – thanks for your “2 cents” – it is very valuable. Yes, you are on to something in terms of explaining our disconnectedness, particularly in urban settings. I guess it is one of the thing that comes with diverse populations, where people are trying to find some rootedness in their new environment. So, they stick to themselves and their kind, and avoid others – even to the point of not saying “Mawnin'”. Ah well – I will continue with my good Jamaican broughtupcy and say “Good morning”.
BTW – interestingly, when I am walking the doggies I get a TOTALLY different response! People stop, smile, say hello, tell me how cute they are, ask about them. It amazes me! Dog really is man’s best friend – and a crucial part of drawing humans together it seems!
Margie,
Goodmorning! I am with you on this subject. I certainly TRY an include civility into my daily activities and I agree, especially when greeting my passengers on my flights, the flights are just great. In fact most passengers deplane saying “where are you from, this was just a great flight, Thank You”. I have completed my day successfully 😉
Thoroughly enjoying freeand laughing! Well done!
Noelle Silvera Murray
Thanks Noelle. It’s really amazing how easy it is to make someone’s day better – and our own! Why don’t we just do it more often? It’s SOOOOO simple and easy!!!
So refreshing that someone should take the time out to touch on a subject that most of us struggle with. Most of us are so insecure that we see strangers as intrusions in our lives and oft are not prepared to welcome this ‘intrusion’.
You encourage a positve response and reaction. I am sure lots of people will find a new embolden and allow themselves to open up to new experiences and the fact that people do make the world go round.
Kudos Marguerite
LOL
Howard Levy
Hello Marguerite,
I Just decided to look at your site. I think it is fantastic! I am really enjoying it so far – about 10 mins – and decided to write.
I think it is good that you continue being Jamaican and doing good Jamaican things in the wider world. I am so proud of you and feel so proud to have met you. Continue to impact the world with your charm and wit!! Love you.
Monica,
Jamaica – Wolmer’s Girls
Oh Monica – you are such a sweetheart! Must be the Wolmer’s link!
Thanks for your very, very kind words. When I have people like you in my corner – I can only win!
All blessings to you
Marguerite