Dealing with doubts and fears

I received this question from a reader of the blog I posted on “I am moving to Canada”:

 

“This is so inspiring. But suppose you did have some doubts… what would you do with them? I’m not trying to be arch, I am just wondering how you overcome doubts (and fears and anxieties) when you are in the midst of big changes, particularly when things are not in your control”

 

This is such a good question, for we are all beleaguered by doubts and fears whenever we face change.  In our quest for stability and control in our lives, we hold on to what we know and resist what we don’t know or are uncertain about.  In holding on, we are under the illusion that we are in control.  But we aren’t, for one thing we need to get used to is that the future is a total unknown.   No matter how we plan, scheme and schedule, the future is a mystery.  There is no one who can tell with certainty what the future holds and how it will unfold.  We are never in control, for how can we be in control of something that we don’t know?  It is impossible.

 

Now, you may ask – if the future is uncertain and outside of our control, then why set goals, articulate a vision and even think about designing our lives?  Why not just live moment to moment, not thinking at all about what the next moment will bring?  Because we do need context for our lives.  We need to guide our good, and being clear about what we want to be and how we want our lives to look is fundamental.  Yet, we can’t or shouldn’t hold onto this, for our vision is limited by where we are looking from.  It’s a big world out there, and we are only looking from a very, very small part of it.  So, even in defining our vision we must be mindful and open to bigger and better for our lives.  For example, many years ago I penned a very powerful vision for my life at 60.  Moving to Canada was not in the plan at all then, yet I can now see that moving to Canada is very important in achieving that vision!

 

Doubts and fears may serve a useful purpose as they cause us to stop and think about what we are doing, and may indicate if and when we are going off course.  But doubts and fears can also hold us back, if we yield to them.  Fears and anxieties have arisen throughout my journey to Canada, and will probably arise again.  To make sure that they don’t hold me back, I have a few simple but powerful techniques:

 

1. Affirmations: my favourite is “This too shall pass”.  It is so powerful in reminding me that nothing is permanent.  When I say it I literally feel my body relaxing
2. Gratitude  – I find something to give thanks for – I write down or say three things I am grateful for
3. Laughter – I laugh – for no reason at all 
4. Take action – I focus on something immediate – say, an item from my “to do” list.  Whenever I feel that I have too much to do, I just go back to my to do list and do one thing.  Action is a great way to deal with fears

 

 

Remember – it’s not the situation that’s the problem, it’s your reaction to it.  It’s not the doubts and fears, it’s how we deal with them.  Accepting them but taking action regardless is the key to moving forward.