Never explain yourself to anyone

“Never explain yourself to anyone. The person who likes you doesn’t need it; and the person who dislikes you won’t believe it”

These words of wisdom came from a Facebook friend. How wise I thought, particularly as I had spent over an hour earlier that day with another friend who was sounding off uncontrollably about her relationship woes and her “this-is-the-type-of-person-I-am” beingness. She was literally stuck in a story that happened over a year ago, which she wouldn’t let go and from which she couldn’t disentangle herself. She had embroidered and weaved a tall tale of woe that she clearly relished in the telling and retelling. I hope I helped her, by listening (although I did have to put my foot down and tell her that I would not listen to any more of the story) and by some advice on how she could possibly deal with HERSELF, not the other people (which she wanted to do in some very violent and gory ways).

The truth really is that there is no need to explain ourselves to anyone. When we are trying to do this, we are usually just trying to make sense to ourselves. For the real challenge in life is figuring out who we are and what we mean. When we are sure of ourselves then there is no need to try to explain – we just are. And we are confident enough to add, usually silently, “take me or leave me”.

The person who likes us accepts us exactly as we are, for they see through us and connect at the deeper level of our God-essence. What we say or do requires no explanation – they love us as we are, foibles, follies and all. True, as I remind my children from time to time, they may not love what we do, but they love us for who we truly are.

And for those who dislike us – who cares? Actually, we do – a lot. And I wonder why we care so much about the opinion of people who don’t like us, and whom we probably don’t like either? This is where we spend so much of our time – trying to make sense of ourselves to those who really don’t matter. Well, you may say, my boss doesn’t like me and he or she matters – a lot, particularly in these times, etc., so surely I need to explain myself to him/her. You perhaps need to be clear on your particular actions, but you need waste no time in explaining yourself. If someone does not like you then they are listening to you with a disliking ear. Everything they hear about you or from you will be distilled through the filter of dislike. Wasted effort.

It is so liberating to let go of the need to be liked by others. Then we can give up trying to explain ourselves, and instead focus on being the best we want to be – our own true selves, defined as we want for our greater purpose in life.