Public Enemy #1!

In May of this year I disconnected the cable service at home. While my children understood my decision in the runup to their end of year examinations, they were aghast when I announced that I would not be reconnecting it at all! For awhile I was Public Enemy #1.

Television has always been controlled in my home. The rules are – no TV during the week, but unlimited viewing allowed on the weekends AFTER homework has been completed. Summer? All restrictions lifted, no holds barred, veg-out on the couch time! I had my suspicions that these rules were oft broken when I was not at home – the mad scrambling of shadows from the TV room as I pulled up at the gate being one clear indicator. But mostly, the rules were obeyed.

So why did I take this drastic decision? 4 years ago, when Hurricane Ivan hit Jamaica, we had no electricity for one week. During that time I noticed that my children argued less, played with each other more and spent more time outside occupying themselves with new and novel (to them) pastimes. I observed this and it remained on my peripheral parent horizon – a sort of “Wouldn’t it be nice if we didn’t have TV, but I can’t bother take on THAT fight right now – more important battles for a mom to win”.

The same thing happened in the month of June. Few arguments. No fights. Focus on exams. Peace. About to reconnect the cable service – I had even drawn the cheque – I came home early one afternoon and found Victoria and Shane playing baseball/rounders on the front lawn with their cousins! When night fell, we all gathered on the front patio in the twilight of the day and talked! This was an “Aha!” moment if ever there was one – I knew then that keeping the TV off was the right thing to do. Occasionally a parent KNOWS, not in hindsight but at the moment, when the decision you are making is the right one. This was one of those moments.

And so the cable was off during the entire summer. And it remains off. For this is what happened:

There is very little fussing, fighting and arguments between Victoria and Shane. They play together more, are more relaxed and somehow don’t seem to get on each other’s nerves as much. I am reading more, for truth be told, I did enjoy an occasional session of mindless channel-surfing.

We are closer as a family. Pre-cable lock off, whenever I came home in the evenings, the dogs would run to greet me at the car, but there was nary a sight of the children. I would come in and find them comatose in front of the TV. Now my children are first out of the door each evening to greet me, most times getting there before the fleet-footed four-leggies. I like to collapse in my bed in the evenings. Now my children join me and we talk, jibe and play together. Generally the house is peaceful and happy. I will not be reconnecting the cable service. The payoff is too great!

And of course, I muse – what is the deeper meaning of all of this? The lesson I am learning is to notice when a decision FEELS right, and to go with that feeling. When we go with the feeling then the decision is easy. Difficult decisions are “difficult” only in our minds. A decision is simply a decision – we add complexity to it by our beliefs and judgement. And when we add complexity, the implementation of the decision becomes more difficult. Think of it – all I did was disconnect the cable service. Because the decision felt right, justifying it was not difficult and so my children soon recognised my resolve and they stopped pushing me on it. Thus, there have been few arguments – although I do get the occasional snide, yet smiling, remark about boredom, wishing TV was on, Mummy-don’t-you-miss-TV, etc. I just smile, knowing beyond a doubt that the decision is the correct one.

The standout moment was when we were vacationing in South Africa this summer. Every hotel room has a television with cable service and I thought that Victoria and Shane would be glued to it. I was so surprised when this didn’t happen, that I enquired why – “I think I have gotten out of the habit of watching TV” Shane responded. Ah! Mom really does know best – sometimes!