My Father’s Gifts

Visiting Florida this weekend to launch my book “Free and Laughing” I was invited to read at the Father’s Day Service of the Holy Family Episcopal Church. Deciding what to read for this special occasion was a challenge, for there is very little mention in my book of father, fatherhood – or my father.

In his message, Father Lee spoke of our relationships with our fathers – our earthly fathers and our heavenly Father. As I listened to his message I reflected on my relationship with my own father. Reading “Mother’s Gifts” from my book poignantly brought up for me the everlasting, invaluable gifts he gave me.

My father gave me my quest for excellence. A Virgoan, he always strived for perfection, sometimes in the most maddening way for the rest of us! Every detail had to be calculated and attended to. The world stopped while Daddy perfected. All had to wait while he created, fiddled, fixed to absolute perfection. I remember once helping him to measure something. “It’s about four feet and three quarter inches” I said. “It can’t be about” he sternly stated “it must be exact”. I observe this quest for perfection manifesting in me as a drive for excellence – to always do my best, to always be the best I can be, to always analyse, examine, reflect on and seek feedback that will help me to be even better. I see it also in my siblings, and recognise it as the legacy of our father.

Daddy also gave me his eye for beauty. He was an avid amateur photographer, a stalwart of the Colour Photographic Club, his camera always present and ready to capture the beauty of the moment. He loved nature photography, and revealed the secrets of flowers and plants to us in intimate, intricate detail. He would look at a flower, a plant, a landscape and capture the joy in that moment, helping us to look at things from a different perspective. Perhaps Mummy gave me the gift of being “free and laughing” but Daddy gave me the ability to recognise the joy and beauty in “everyday moments”!

I learned about womanhood from Daddy. He and Mummy worked together in their business. From this I got the value of partnership, of a woman being equal and up to the task of working outside the home. He defined my independence for me in an incident which I have never forgotten. I was going out on a date, and he noted that I had no handbag or purse. “Where is your money” he asked. I told him that I had none as I wasn’t taking a purse. “Well put it in your bra then; suppose you have to take a taxi home – you need your own money”. Lesson well learnt – as a woman, always have my own means of independence!

Perhaps my greatest lesson is one of acceptance. I learned from him that people express their love in different ways. My father was a present father – home every night, at every birthday party, school recital and sports day. His support was unwavering. A man of few words, indeed quite emotionally uncommunicative, this is how he expressed his love and pride in us – by being present in the big moments and the little. When he passed, many of our friends confessed to being jealous of us as they observed his unwavering, loving support in his presence.

I gave thanks for my father on this Father’s Day in a very special way – for the gifts that only he could give. They remain with me today, as who I am and live on as the gifts I will pass on to my own children.