Relationships don’t end – they simply change form

We often get ourselves in a tizzy when we feel that a relationship is coming to an end. If the relationship has been very important to us and integral to our lives, like a marriage or other type of intimate relationship, then it can really throw us for a loop. When we sense that a relationship is not working for us anymore and that the end is near we tend to hold on and try as much as possible to delay what we deem as the inevitable. We recognise that with this ending will come changes in our way of life – our circle of friends may change, activities we used to do with the person we may no longer do, even our daily routine will change. And looking at it, we fear the end, feeling perhaps that this is the end of our world.

As we work through the ending, at some point we come to the realisation that we have begun a new way of life. So, the ending has actually become the beginning. For most of us, given time, the new beginning is actually better than the ending, and we breathe a sigh of relief, wondering what in the world we were getting all excited about! This happens over and over with all our relationships – friendships from childhood, from school, relationships at work, other professional relationships, marriages, other types of unions, and even our familial relationships. All relationships seem to end.

Yet, do they?

When we really think about it, relationships don’t ever end. For once we have connected our energy with someone, we are forever a part of them, and they are part of us. Relationships simply change form and become something else. This may be very comforting to us to know as we then look at the process of “ending” as simply one of transforming into something else – which can actually be more beautiful. So, for example, a marriage could transform into a co-parenting relationship; a love-relationship into a deep friendship; or a friendship into an acquaintanceship. If we approach our relationships in this way, then there is no need for extended mourning for what was – we can instead turn our attention to the possibility of a new and maybe even more exciting form of the relationship. We may choose for the new form of the relationship to be one of distance – but it’s a distance born of love and regard for the person rather than of feeling that it is the end.

So, what is necessary to approach our relationships in this way? For it certainly would save us a good deal of hurt, distress, embarrassment and tears. First thing is to just accept that relationships will change form. Second, to know that we have a choice as to how the relationship will transform. Third, is to release the person with love and thanksgiving. And fourth, to look forward to whatever the new form will be!