Territory
January 31, 2007 by Marguerite Orane
Filed under Release
I went to the Air Jamaica Jazz and Blues Festival in Montego Bay last Saturday. The event was very well-attended, as it has become quite a “buzz” on the Jamaican social calendar. “Everybody who was anybody” was there!
There are no seats, just open space, so it has become quite the norm for those attending to send an advance party equipped with fold up chairs, to stake out a favourable spot for the rest of the group. As I entered, I noted a number of groups and rows of chairs, carefully laid out, waiting for occupants.
My group arrived with a blanket. We proceeded to lay it out behind a row of empty chairs. Suddenly, in a rush of nervous energy, two women appeared, glared at us and stated “This whole row is taken, we were here from early” and started pushing back the chairs to take up the space we were trying to occupy. I moved into my detached observer of life mode and noted that they already had more than enough space, and we had not moved their chairs at all. I watched them with bemusement for a minute or two and calmly stated “Don’t worry, there is enough room for everyone” at which point one of them, looking a little embarrassed, pointed out to the other that they indeed had enough space.
And I mused: how is it that we humans so quickly stake out and become attached to a particular spot? I observe this in the workshops I facilitate – people will come in and take their seats. I am in the habit of moving them around for various group activities. They invariably ask “Can I return to MY seat?” as if somehow, they now own the seat in which they first sat. If it is a two day workshop, I can guarantee that 90% of the participants will sit in the same seat they first occupied on Day One. It never fails to happen!
I notice the phenomenon in all spheres of our lives – the parking spaces at work that become “ours”, the pew at church, the seat in class. And we get so upset when someone comes and takes OUR space! Families fight and divide; friends become enemies; wars get fought over human beings attachment to “their” space. The whole concept of territory is one of marking off and ownership. Interestingly, in some “primitive” societies, there is no concept of ownership. Land does not belong to the group, much less individuals. There is not even a concept of belonging or ownership. Resources are simply gifts to be used for the group’s good. The group only uses what is needed, when it is needed and goes wherever it wants, when it wants.
Imagine what our world would look like if we did not attach ourselves to “our” space. How would we behave? I am quite sure there would be fewer fusses, arguments, fighting and war! When the women “attacked” us at the Jazz Festival, knowing that I was not attached to that particular space, it was simply a matter of going in search of another space, which turned out to be much better! I felt quite peaceful. I contrast that to my feelings in other situations when someone has invaded, or wanted to take away my space. I have behaved similarly to those women.
Frankly, I like the peaceful feeling. From now on, I will choose to release my attachment to space, and simply view space as a gift, not an entitlement, from the Universe.
Margie dear:
I am promptly copying this new entry to be shared with the mostly 80year old + crowd where I work. Even in their later years, “territory” is everything! This subject is just what I need to discuss with them. Thanks!
Jenny
It’s about our “comfort zone” and dislike for change and having to adapt and and and….For all my years at NDTC I have stood at the same place at the barre almost every class. This comes also from a habit formed from standing at the spot most convenient to tend to baby Kyle, and then Yeshema, without being too disruptive to the rest of the class. I try not to be late, so that “my” spot is not taken.
Don’t we also sleep on the same side of the bed wherever we are?
Fewer things to get used to as we go through life, but then we may miss out on something exciting! Hmmmm.
Carole
Hi Marguerite,
I smiled as I read your blog (tried to leave a comment, but I think it got lost in cyberspace somewhere.) I lost my Jazz Festival virginity this weekend, and the same thing happened to me close to the space we had claimed for ourselves. As a couple tried to set up camp (too) close to us, I thought,”Why dem have to come hitch up right beside us? We were here first, this is our space!” Of course good judgement took over as there really was enough space for everyone.
I guess “our space” soon becomes the familiar and brings with it security and a false sense of identity, and we make every effort to put our mark and make others know it too, “That’s Sandra’s seat.” It is a little like my neighbour’s dog who find’s his way into my yard every morning and pees on the same tire of my car every time. That’s marking territory. Can you imagine how free we would be if we truly saw space as a gift and opened ourselves to the possibility of sitting somewhere different in church or in the workshop, or taking a new route to work – what wonderful new experiences we would have, and great new people we would meet. Can we dare to open the space in our hearts and in our thinking and soar with the freedom of no limitation?
Sandra
Its a real contribution to share personal experiences rather than give others philosophy and how to do things, especially when it comes to life’s experiences. Jesus and all the great masters told stories about people and life. Its funny that I received this from you at this time since I have begun to share with my clients and friends in the same manner. The hundred monkey.
In reference to your communication; i believe it is a sense of scarcity that pervades the world. You know, I’ve got to get mine type of belief structure. There is not enough to go around. Its fear. Fear that we won’t get what we want or lose what we have and the notion that if we don’t take care of ourselves who will. Just some thoughts on the matter.
onelove,
dino
Dear MO,
I am replying to you in the quiet of the early Morn – I have had a similar experience – also from a female who had proceeded to spread her blanket out and also a mat for her to place her foot stool and space between her two chairs so she could hang her hands and place her book. As I read of your experience – I think of the similarity of the “ACTION” and I don’t see being territorial as the genesis of this action, for after all we are creatures of habit – we have comfort zones – we have learned from our parents “Never a borrower nor a lender be” – and all such manner of sayings. We have our house- our car – our “our”…….
For me I see the action as but the manifestation of ones inner spirit ones soul ones heart and of the thought – that gives birth to this action and I think of what can I do; where within me can I work to eradicate any thought that would ever give rise to such an action because to effect change one cannot teach people to be un-territorial. So in my quest to not fall into this trap – I look to the Bible and the life of Jesus – which always provides for me the answer.
I viewed my lady’s action as a manifestation of “greed”, the need to have more than her needs – her inability to share – through the absence of understanding the notion of love – we can be territorial – yes this is my seat – but I will share it – give you a “”Kotch” or if you look weary, loan it to you.
You see for me I say anyone who knows how to share can give – but not everyone who gives knows how to share – only through sharing is the blessing of love manifested – it is the understanding of the “breaking of bread”
Jose
Jose,
Thanks for the comment. You are so right – such sentiments and actions come basically from a place of fear – of there not being enough to go around, not enough to share, my not having if I give you, etc. And the irony is that we just have to turn our eyes to the infinite abundance around us to see that there are no limits – only ourselves!
Love and blessings
Marguerite
Hi Marguerite,
I suppose if I only have time to reply to one of your articles, I should reply to my favourite. Choosing a favourite proved very difficult, so I decided to retype my comment that was a casualty of war between blogger and my computer a few days ago.
Many interesting comments were left since then that provided interesting explanations for this type of behaviour; Fear and Greed being two of the most noteworthy.
My first impression when reading this article was of this attachment to territory being a more or less natural evolution to John Bowlby’s theory of attachment.
He observed that children experienced great distress when separated from their parents and would go to great lengths to reestablish closeness to a missing parent. They also do everything possible to prevent separation.
I suppose as ‘children’ grow up and the bond with their parents weaken somewhat, they are forced to evolve their needs for attachment to other humans. Most times, because of trust issues or total failure, the Evolved attachment is not fully developed. Attachment is then redirected to material objects. With Material things, it is much more difficult to lose attachment as they are inanimate and will never leave. They will stamp their ownership to them and exhibit symptoms similar to when they were younger (crying, kicking, screaming, fighting 😉 ) when in danger of losing or losing proximity to these things. (I hope I don’t sound like I am saying that only people who have had bad relationships are overly attached to material things. It is not my intention and I have not done enough of a study to be able to say that… ;). )
I would love to stay here and comment all night, but I still have much to do before morning. Marguerite, thank you for this interesting article and the opportunity to comment on it.
Here endeth my two cents.
Hope you enjoyed reading,
Ricardo