Mars and Venus

A few months ago I reread “Men are from Mars; Women are from Venus” by John Gray. I have always viewed this book in the light of intimate love relationships between men and women. As I read it however, it occurred to me that all the men in my life are from Mars! My sons, my brother, my business partner, my male friends – all are from Mars! With this insight, I have been seeking to apply the principles to my relationship with all Martians. I have developed a deeper understanding of my sons in particular, and of my relationship with them.

I was reading another book “Conscious Person’s Guide to Relationships” this weekend, and mentioned this to a Martian. He said to me “You and your relationships!”. I pointed out to him that this was not just about being a conscious person in my love relationship, but about being conscious in ALL my relationships. How we show up in our love relationship is how we show up in all our relationships. If we look deeply we will see that our problems are common to all our relationships. For example, if you have a challenge in terms of withholding communication from your love partner – chances are you also withhold communication from the other Martians in your life – brothers, sons, father, etc. If one has issues of trust with your mate, then it is highly likely that you have issues of trust with all the males in your life! You will note that many of women repeat their relationships with their fathers in their relationships with their mates. And many men DO marry their mothers!

Of course, the real issue is the common denominator in the relationships – which is YOU! We often say that a successful relationship takes hard work. I am increasingly realizing that working on a relationship ONLY means working on yourself. There is no other work to be done. The work is not about the other person, for they are fine as they are (that too is a big part of our work – to accept them as they are!). Once that work on ourselves is “finished” (if it ever is), then I believe that relationships are actually easy, not hard.

What a delightful way to live – to have relationships that are easy; to have a love relationship that is easy! Even that concept is difficult to accept, as we have been so immersed in the prevailing wisdom that relationships are hard. So, when it seems easy, we start to question the validity of the relationship – there must be something wrong if it’s too easy, too fun, too happy! It is a big step for all of us to step out of that “hard work” box and become conscious to the reality that relationships are easy. The hard part is the work we have to do on ourselves!