Moving from fear to love – the missing link

One morning about 4 weeks ago, I was on a run in my neighbourhood. Coming up a hill, I got separated from my running partner. As I huffed and puffed up the hill, I noticed a man on a bicycle. He rode ahead, then kept circling back. I noticed his actions and started to think – what is he up to? Is he planning to attack me? He looks suspicious! I felt the fear rise in me as I tried to decide what to do – do I turn around and run back to meet my partner? Do I stop and scream? Do I keep running? Then, I noticed the fear and remembered – I have another option – to trust. So, to myself, I repeated “I trust you”. After my repeating this about 4 times, the man rode off.

Now, this may all have been coincidence – maybe the man really didn’t mean me any harm and was just having a lazy bike ride on a Saturday morning. But it got me thinking about the power of choosing my emotions.

I have been trying to notice my emotions and to consciously change them to emotions that feel better. This, we are told, means simply switching from fear to love. But in practice, it’s not so simple. After much practice and some success, I think there is a missing link between fear and love. And that link is TRUST. It is easy to say “I love you” but not so easy to say “I trust you”. I recall a leadership development program I was conducting recently for corporate leaders. The topic turned to trust. The room fell silent when I asked if they had ever said the words “I trust you” to their team members. NONE of the participants could admit to ever saying “I trust you” to their team – they gulped, their eyes bulged, they told me it wasn’t necessary, it was understood. ANYTHING, but saying those words.

Why is it so difficult for us to say “I trust you”? Perhaps there are lots of reasons – but I think listing and examining them only keeps us in a place of fear a little longer. The real action is simply to say “I trust you” over and over until you feel it. Try it!